Monday, June 7, 2010

Roller Girl

Dear Bitch,

I am joining the roller derby this summer and I need a fancy roller derby name. It needs to be sassy and I thought who better to brainstorm for me but my favorite bitch! Any Ideas??

Nameless in Seattle


Dear Nameless,

Bitch Please! I'm not here to do your work for you! Think of your own shit! Do you think I really have the spare time to tax my brain with some shitty name to call yourself as your circle around a bunch of butch, agressive, and overtly dykish women in attempts to forcibly deter them from thier goal? No, I dont. But just because you sent in a question, I will attempt to think of something while watching porn and rubbing one off.

So you wanna roll around with women. You want to be sassy. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines sassy as:
1. Impudent (marked by contemptuous or cocky boldness or disregard of others)
2. Vigorous, Lively
3. Distictively smart and stylish

This leaves me with only one option to name yourself for "Roller Derby"......

~~~Bitchforce Couture~~~

Bitch being with definition 1
Force is behind definition 2
And Couture is really all you can ever end up at if you are truely stylish.

So, with a great name, comes great resposibility.
1. You must have 1 teammate a month mail a question into
2. You must honor and cherish your name, in remaining unbelievably bitchy and unrelentless on your pretty pink skates
3. Sportsbras are never stylish, unless thats the ONLY thing you are wearing on top. So bedazzle the SHIT out of that sportsbra and skate with PRIDE!
4. Send nudes

I now bestow my blessing on your practices of female bonding and agressive mating ritual known as roller derby. Skate with all your heart, soul, and inner BITCH, Ms. Bitchforce Couture, for if you fail, I will never speak to you again. Shit, in 2 years I wont even be taking your calls. Don't fuck it up.

Here's to the Breeze's,

The Bitch

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