Slide down Memory Lane

Dear Bitch,

I am for the most part a happy, single woman. However, back in college I had a 7 month relationship with a guy I probably shouldn't have even met. And then things went sour when he came clean about getting someone else pregnant in the middle our relationship. We broke up, he married his baby-momma and I moved on with my life. Until now, when I received an email from him claiming he was now divorced and wanting to reconnect. He was apologetic, seems honest, and appears to just be interested in being friends.

It brought back a ton of feelings I thought were long gone, and I just don't know where to go from here. Help!

Unwanted Slide down Memory Lane

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Dear Unwanted Slider,

Bitch Please! This dude couldn't even stay with just you back when he had you. What do you honestly think he is looking for now? Another bay-momma since his first one divorced his skeezy ass? Survey says.........BITCH PLEASE, OF COURSE HE IS!

Here is a lesson on men. Straight men, gay men, men who dress like women, boys who will become men, and boys who think they're men but really are still just boys. THEY LIKE TO HAVE SEX! Why do you think he had sex with more than just you when you were together? Why do you think he would come back after 4-5 years? I can assure you, its not for the pillow talk and romantic walks. Men may be stupid, but after some time, they have been known to come around and realize what asshat's they have been to people in the past. This however, does not change there main prerogative in a relationship, to wake up the next morning searching for Plan B.

Now, after 5 years, what would be different. If he walked out on you in the past, why wouldn't he do that again? If he didn't care enough about you to keep it in his pants (or only your bed), and then went on to an equally fruitless marriage, why would you think it would be any different?

Delete his email address, his phone number, his pictures, and destroy the ratty piece of clothing of his you kept all these years in futile hopes. Reconnecting with him more than 'accidentally' spilling a Cosmo on him at a bar is just a setup for 7 more months of Douche-baggery and a repeat offender. Keep your 5 years of happiness without him, and buy a new sex toy. A dildo stays harder longer than a cock any day, and it wont bring the past 5 years of STD into the bedroom with it.


Here's to the Breeze's,

The Bitch